I dropped off my daughter at the airport on Thursday as she returns to Germany, and it was sad and it was hard and it was life and it was beauty seeing the way she adores her brothers and she is deliberate about reaching out to them and I love the way she is kind and simple and loving and fun and adventuresome and I love her perspective on life and God and I just am so grateful to have my daughter.
I got teary eyed as I hugged her and prayed for her just before she went through the check point and I turned away and I know she does not like me to cry and the night before I was hugging her and just telling her how much she means to me and I got teary eyed then as well and she said, mom do not cry, and it made me think about how children look to their parents for strength and comfort and protection and they want to know it will all be okay and it will all be all right and so that is what I want to show my kids.
But it is also okay and good to show emotion and I do so in so many settings, letting my children know how much they mean to me, that they are the world to me and now that my daughter is going back to Germany, a world away, until Christmas, I got sad a bit.
My husband tells me that I should not be sad because our daughter is going after her dreams and I know this in my mind but I am a mom and some things you just cannot explain away with rational thoughts and the mind and knowledge. I love to have my daughter near me, that is just how it is.
Yes, of course I am grateful that my daughter is going after her dreams and that she has goals to make a difference in this life, for that is what I talk to all of my children about all the time, to pray about what God has for them in this life, to dream big dreams and to go after those dreams and to live and to go on adventures, and Rachel is doing that and she talks about frolicking in the fields and she talks about going on adventures and reaching out to hurting people and picking wildflowers in open spaces and bicycle riding on cobblestone streets and sipping cappuccinos in cafes and I just miss doing all of those things with her when she is gone.