One of my best friends during my late teen years and into 20’s and 30’s was named Juli. We met at Cleveland High School in A Cappella Choir and became fast friends, sharing a love for God’s word and a relationship with Christ. And when I was married, Juli was one of my bridesmaids, and a few months later, I served as the matron-of-honor in her wedding ceremony.
One of the things that stands out to me in being part of Juli’s family over the years is how her dad Jim reached out to me, as the best friend of his daughter. Jim was a professor of theology at Western Seminary as well as a pastor.
Whenever I visited Juli at her home in the southeast Portland neighborhood where we lived, Jim was always really welcoming to me. He was friendly and warm to me, and he’d ask me questions about my life and how my parents were doing and how school was going; and he’d ask me about church and spiritual things.
Just by asking questions of me and taking an interest in my life, I felt validated and accepted and important in their lives.
On several occasions he even thanked me for being such a great friend to his daughter. And, during my rehearsal dinner gathering the night before my wedding many years ago, Jim even got to know the other bridesmaids who stood alongside his daughter as my bridal party attendants. I clearly remember him saying to my college friends Nancy and Meri, “Thanks for being such a great friend to Cornelia.”
As a parent myself now for over 25 years, I have remembered fondly those days when my friend’s dad took the time to get to know me. I now try to do the same with my kids’ friends. When we reach out to our children’s friends, it communicates to them that they matter and that they are important. Because, they are.
There are so many ways to get to know our kids’ friends. When you see them at school events, say hello. When you bump into them at the local grocery store, greet them by name and ask them how they are doing. Invite them along when you go on outings. And, of course, one of the best ways for us parents to get to know our kids’ friends is to invite them into our homes. I penned my Day 10 post in this 31 Day A Thought a Day on Parenting series on the importance of showing hospitality and making kids feel welcome. And, as we invite others into our homes, we will discover qualities about their families, their interests, their hobbies, their neighborhoods, their values, their thoughts on life. And, we will see them live those beliefs out in their attitudes on issues.
As our children get into their tweens and teens — the ages of my children at home– they will naturally begin wanting to spend more time with their friends. If we get to know the friends of our kids — what motivates them and what their attitudes are about life — we will feel more comfortable when our children spend time with them. We will feel more a part of their lives. And, we will be able to dialogue later with our kids regarding their friends.
Chances are, decades later, our kids’ friends will remember us, the parents, just as I did my friend Juli’s parents.
Thought for today: Get to know your kids’ friends.
[Previous in the Thought a Day on Parenting series: Day 16: Let Your Kids Chill]
