Last night we watched the movie Ragamuffin, the story of the late singer-songwriter Rich Mullins. The film takes us on his journey growing up as the oldest of five children living on a farm with an overbearing father through his years as a rising Contemporary Christian Music singer. Throughout much of the film, there are flashbacks to Rich’s years with his father on the farm. Rich Mullins seems to never be able to measure up to his father’s expectations of who he wants his son to be. While Rich is drawn to music and the arts, his father wants him to eventually take over the farm.
As the story unfolds and Rich makes his way to Nashville to become a Contemporary Christian Music singer, the movie is dotted with flashbacks of conversations with his father on their farm in Indiana.
Flashbacks to his father’s harsh words towards him. Words that conveyed something like, “You’ll never amount to anything. Why aren’t you good enough? Why are you not someone else?”
These words that his father spoke to him haunted Rich for much of his life. He never seemed to be able to gain his father’ approval or affection throughout most of his life. Even when Rich had gained quite a
Ragamuffin Movie
following in his musical career, his father could not say he was proud of him…
Words. They are powerful. They can make or break a life. They can make or break a child. They make or break my world.
I remember my dad telling me what his father in Germany said to him; “You’ll never amount to anything.” That just broke my heart to hear that. My dad is the kindest most wonderful person. As a teenager, my dad moved to America, to Portland, Oregon, to attend the University of Portland, eventually earning his Bachelors degree and later his Doctoral degree in Indiana, but he never earned his father’s approval or heard words of affirmation.
In the film Walk the Line about another musician, Johnny Cash, there is a scene where Johnny’s brother dies, and Johnny’s father blames Johnny for the death, even saying to the surviving Johnny, that “the wrong son died.” These words cut Johnny to the core and he carried them with him his entire life.
Our Parenting Philosophy needs to include being careful of the words we speak to our children, and specifically being deliberate about saying kind words and finding words of approval, words that build up and don’t tear down, words that show we accept them for who they are.
What words do you use to show approval of your kids’ God-given skills and talents? What words do you use to help your children see their strengths and better their weaknesses? How do you build up and not tear down your kids?
I think of the poem Words, by Anne Sexton:
Be careful of words,
even the miraculous ones.
For the miraculous we do our best,
sometimes they swarm like insects
and leave not a sting but a kiss.
They can be as good as fingers.
They can be as trusty as the rock
you stick your bottom on.
But they can be both daisies and bruises.
Yet I am in love with words.
They are doves falling out of the ceiling.
They are six holy oranges sitting in my lap.
They are the trees, the legs of summer,
and the sun, its passionate face.
Yet often they fail me.
I have so much I want to say,
so many stories, images, proverbs, etc.
But the words aren’t good enough,
the wrong ones kiss me.
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
but with the wings of a wren.
But I try to take care
and be gentle to them.
Words and eggs must be handled with care.
Once broken they are impossible
things to repair.
Words. They can be both daisies and bruises.
Be careful with the words we speak to our kids. Once spoken, they cannot be taken back and can take a lifelong to heal.
I liked that poem, Cornelia, very much. Thank you… The Rich Mullins movie sounds powerful (we’ll have to check it out). And your new blog looks lovely, btw!