This is one parenting battle we cannot give up on
I was at a ski team race talking to another mom and the subject turned from shredding the gnarr to cell phones and screen use. No surprise. I mentioned to this mom how phones affect my work as a substitute teacher. “Students walk into class with their ear buds in and...
Mom was right — Go Outside and Play
Turns out Mom was right. Yep, how many of us remember our mom or dad saying to us while we were growing up: “Go outside and play”? Well, now it’s not just that parents are saying this. Doctors have begun emphasizing to patients the importance of being outside. Instead...
Kindness — What Do You Want to be Known and Remembered For?
I was talking about legacy and life and what we will be remembered for with my friend Kristi during a recent bicycle ride, and she said that when she dies she wants her kids and others to remember one thing that she told them: Be kind. And I couldn’t agree more....
Holding on to Windshield Moments in the Car as long as possible
My new friend Christine said she’s sad thinking about the day her now 15-year-old son will get his drivers license at the end of the summer when he turns 16. “I will miss my windshield time,” she said as she and a few other families were leaving a gathering at our...
Do these 15 Things to Cultivate Lifelong Sibling Friendships
[Find this post also at THE TODAY SHOW PARENTS BLOG link here] The mom of one of my son’s friends says that she doesn’t keep up with her brother or sister’s families anymore. “As we got older, we stopped making it a priority to get together. Honestly, we are just so...
5 Parenting and Life Lessons from the recent College Admissions Scandal
[This post also appeared on the Today Show Parents blog, link here: Today Show Parents Community ] I was talking to a student of mine who is a senior in high school at the school where I work as a substitute teacher, and I mentioned to her that my twins are sophomores...
14 Ways for Moms to Raise Boys
I recently saw my son’s high school academic counselor Ms. Kimberly who is expecting her third son. “Help,” she says to me chuckling, “What am I going to do with three boys? How do you do it?” I smiled and congratulated her, and told her she will do a great job with...
When we miss the turn off to Home, it hits us that we live in a new Home
Last weekend, after dropping off another ski team member at his home in the Willamette area of West Linn, we began heading towards our home in the other section of the city. My husband was driving and he missed our usual turn off. I almost said something to him, but...
Believe – My one word – It’s who you are and how you see yourself in this world that matters
On a flight to San Francisco to see my friends Jeanie and Meri over 20 years ago, the man sitting next to me on the airplane and I had quite the deep conversation, and something he said has stayed with me all these years. While discussing life and goals and dreams and...
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life
My husband and I went to dinner with our longtime friends Brian and Bea this weekend, and I mentioned to them the January 17 passing away of one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver. Oliver’s message of finding the beauty in the ordinary, calm in the chaos, the awe in...
Making a house a home-y home — How I Mom 30/30
We bought a new house and we will be moving next month. I cannot believe it. After 29 years in our current home, we will be moving away from the only home our children have known. I. Cannot. Believe. It. I have not written about it yet in this space nor in...
Parenting with mercy and grace — How I Mom 29/30
When I was in fifth grade in Germany with my family, my Oma on my dad’s side wanted me to eat a certain lunchmeat from the “kids’” table. Yeah, they had a table with food for the kids and a separate table with food for adults. I wanted the food from the adult table....
What going to a concert reminded me of — How I Mom 28/30
Tonight my husband and I attended the Over The Rhine concert at the Aladdin Theater with our friends from church. Over the Rhine is a husband-wife folk music duo that has released dozens of albums since forming as a band almost 30 years ago. Their story-telling music...
Remember, They’ll Remember — How I Mom 27/30
My daughter for Christmas one year gave me a framed poem collage with words and photos crafted out of magazine cutouts. The title of the poem was “Mom Living” or maybe it was just “Mom” as I look at it again. She wrote: My Mom is the light of my life She makes me feel...
Cook and bake with your kids — How I Mom 26/30
Have your kids prep meals with you. It may not seem like an important thing to do, but it is. It’s the everyday ordinary extraordinary real life being home together in a family, being part of what makes your family a family, and I believe one of the most important...
One day they’ll be off at school and we will miss the noise — How I Mom 25/30
Oh my goodness that smile. . . The laughter, the fun, the sweetness, the craziness, the wild, the singing, the teasing, the chaos, the clanging, the clapping, the noise. Yep, it’s all there... and then they sit on the couch doing homework ...before leaving for school...
Be part of your neighborhood- How I Mom 24/30
On an amazing fall day in between prepping for family gatherings, I got outside for a Bike ride. I rode near the river and through the woods and inside of parks and a stone's throw from the lake, and I stop by to see my friends Doug and Diane who were just finishing...
Traditions keep our kids connected to family — How I Mom 23/30
Every year since we were first married, my husband and I and his family have gone the day after Thanksgiving to the Mt. Hood National Forest to get our real Christmas tree. When I say, “real” I mean real live tree from the real woods. We purchase buy our $5 permit at...
Honor Holidays with family and friends gatherings — How I Mom 22/30
Holidays together as a family means the world to me, and keeping family a priority and keeping your family close and it’s not perfect and it’s sometimes messy and it takes effort and you have to work at it and you want everyone to be close and you want all to be well...
Carving out individual time with our kids — How I Mom 21/30
I was talking to my niece Renate from Germany when she and her family were visiting us last month, and we had some conversations about parenting; she is a new mom to her little Florentine, who is 7 months old. We discussed parenting and motherhood; I can see she...
NBA star Steph Curry had to sit out a game in middle school due to this – Yep- Chores matter- How I Mom 20/30
I was watching a Today Show Parents segment called Through Mom's Eyes and it featured an interview with Sonya Curry, the mother of NBA superstar Steph Curry. In the six-minute segment, Sonya mentioned how she once didn’t allow her son to play in a basketball game when...
Like Artists, live in Wonder — How I Mom 19/30
We were at the Portland International Rose Garden recently and saw this rose and if you look really closely the name on this rose is Little Artist and I was intrigued both by the physical beauty and style and color and smell of the rose and also by the name of the...
Make them feel they are your world — How I Mom 18/30
My Omi in Deutschland used to look me in the eyes with her deep dark brown eyes which had the brightest, shiniest beam in them and as she looked at me she would wrap me in her arms and exclaim to me: "Oh, Cornelia. Oh, Cornelia, du bist so lieb" which is German for...
Walk places together — How I Mom 17/30
I love to walk places together with my people, if I can. On this crisp fall sunny cold day, my dad and I and a friend of my parents walked to my dad's church. We were all bundled up and cold and yet it was so awesome. I love this time with my dad. Walking with him the...
Raising Grateful Kids — How I Mom 16/30
When I turned 8-years-old in Corvallis, Oregon, I received 25 cents and a card for my birthday from my friend Jeanie’s Grandma Higgins, and my German mom had me write a thank you note to her. Three times. To get my handwriting just right. When I gave Grandma Higgins...
Be your kids’ dream-believer — How I Mom 15/30
While my husband Chris was growing up, he had always wanted to be a mechanical engineer, so it was quite a surprise when he announced to his father during his senior year of high school, that he might want to skip college and become a mechanic instead. His dad asked...
Get Your Kids Outside Into Nature with You — How I Mom 12/30
Get your kids outside into nature with you to explore. All ages. All stages. Take all the kids. Take just one kid, invite the cousins, go alone, invite a friend of theirs, invite a friend of yours. Go for an hour, go for half a day, go for the entire day. Go...
The Only Formula for How I Mom is Love
Love. The only formula for how I Mom. And try to live my life in general. Love. It’s what our kids need, it’s what we need, it’s what the world needs, it’s what our community needs, it’s what our neighbors need, it’s what our parents need, it’s what our sisters and...
Adjust your parenting to your child’s personality — How I Mom 11/30
When my husband and I “just” had two kids, our first born, our only daughter, and our first son, born 18 months later, we quickly realized that they were so different and that we had to adjust our parenting accordingly. We realized this reality when our Rachel had...
Have your friends part of your life as you raise your kids — How I Mom 10/30
I visited my childhood best friend Jeanie in Corvallis for her birthday and she has been sorting through a bunch of keepsakes that her mom saved for her over the years. She was thrilled to show me some of the items. Letters I had written, stories she had penned that...
Gather at the table sharing meals with family – How I Mom 8/30
Gather at the table. With your family. With your extended family. With your friends. With just you and your kids. With just you and your spouse. . In whatever form, fancy or ordinary, every day, in the real space of your real home in your real neighborhood, gather...
Prayer — Like Breathing~ How I Mom
My overarching umbrella of How I Mom is hands down. PRAYER. Pray like your family, your kids, your world depends upon it. Because it does. I am so desperate for God in my life and I want my kids to know it. Pray like breathing. When my children were still in their...
Be your kids’ number one cheerleader – How I Mom 7/30
How I Mom 7/30 "Be your kids' number one cheerleader" When one of my now-college aged twins was on the seventh grade basketball team for his Middle School, I was at an appointment before his game and was running late. He texted me moments before the game was to start...
Fostering lifelong sibling relationships of unconditional love – How I Mom 5/30
I so love how my Sunshine Wildflower Girl reaches out to all of her younger brothers. She has lived away basically since she was 18 when she left for Bible school in Germany and was married at age 22. She continued living in Germany finishing her bachelors and masters...
Talk about Your Faith — How I Mom 4/30
I did not grow up going to church with my family. When we lived in Corvallis, Oregon during my first through third grade years, I had two best friends: Jeanie and Julie. Jeanie went to church with her family while Julie and I did not. So on Sunday mornings, I got...
Invite your kids’ friends over – How I Mom 3/30
3/30 How I mom: Invite your kids’ friends over when they are young and when they are older. Make it easy for your kids’ friends to come over. Just invite. And make it easy for them to say yes. This year's Halloween is the first time in over 25 years that I didn't have...
Make grandparents and extended family a part of your family life – How I Mom 2/30
2/30 How I Mom: While your kids are growing up, make grandparents and great grandparents and extended family part of your lives. - - - - - - - - When my husband and I were first married, his folks had...
How I mom — 30 November Days of Navigating the Adventure Motherhood
When they placed my first-born child, my only daughter, into my arms, 28 and three quarters of a year ago, tears fell from my eyes as I looked into her deep dark eyes. I felt so much adoration and love toward her that it felt like my heart was going to burst. I...
Kids should be seen — and heard.
While my husband and I were catching up with our friend Dirk at church last weekend, our 15-year-old son Gus was speaking to a gentleman who was seated one row behind us in the sanctuary. The gentleman had initiated a conversation with Gus, asking him questions about...
A week at Harvester Island is first step in detuning, paying attention, and finding our stories
Just before climbing on that floatplane in Kodiak Alaska, I called my husband and daughter and texted my boys. I reached my husband but couldn’t get ahold of other kids at that exact moment. I then asked someone to take a photo of those of us about to board...
Parenting — and Life — Lessons while driving 15 MPH in a 25 MPH zone
I was driving my sophomore in high school son to early bird Wellness 2 this morning and was going about 15 miles per hour in the 25 mile per hour zone of our street. We passed a man walking along the street -- we have no sidewalks in our neighborhood -- and I waved at...
I sobbed dropping my twins off at college
I got all teary-eyed after dropping off my twins at college yesterday. Okay, sobbed, uncontrollably. They had to get there two weeks early to start Resident Assistant (R.A.) training before actual classes begin, so it felt especially hard as summer was still underway....
As our kids get older, continue to make family getaways a priority
I was realizing that we weren’t planning as much in the summers as a family since our five kids are in varied locations and stages of life this summer, and then July hit and I panicked: Summer is half over. It made me stop to recognize that as kids get older and get...
The last time I saw my brother Thomas
The last time I saw my older brother Thomas was when he was in his casket. That was 1983. I was 18 and he was 20. He had a blue and red button down plaid shirt on that was tucked into his jeans; his face was embalmed and he looked so serene, so peaceful, so innocent....
When you’re here, you’re family
One of my twin sons Mick is working as a busser at a steakhouse restaurant in Waikiki this summer; he's staying with my daughter’s family who lives in Hawaii. On his first day of what was going to be an 8-hour work day, he packed a PBJ dinner. When he came home I...
Just show up
I was in the wedding of my dear college friend Meri 25 years ago, and when Meri and her husband Ray started their family, Meri’s mom Mona would stay at Meri’s house to help her.Mona would cook the meals, wash and dry and fold laundry, hold Meri’s new baby, just be...
Find your thing
My twins and youngest son and I attended my friend Kristi’s daughter’s last lacrosse game of her college career at George Fox University, where my twins are freshmen. I love looking for opportunities to see my boys on campus and it was fun to be able to combine it...
Tell them that you miss them
This past Monday, was my first day back in a month at West Linn High School where I regularly serve as a substitute teacher; for some subs, that may not be a huge deal, but I exclusively sub at West Linn; typically, I am at the school three to four days a week,...
3 Ways to find joy when you’re overwhelmed in busy family life
I grew up in a German household where working hard without complaining was a huge value we learned. When I complained about having to do a task, my mom used to say to me, “Kopf Hoch,” which is basically German for “Keep your head up.” What that meant to...
“Where’s the rest of your house?”
My neighbor Wendy’s first grade daughter had a friend over for a playdate in their home, which is a three bedroom, two bath adorable ranch, and the friend said to Wendy’s daughter, “Where is the rest of your house?” A similar thing happened to my son, who had a very...
When writing is the best excuse to avoid returning to routine
My daughter and her husband had just returned to Germany after visiting us for Christmas, and I know I needed to getting my house back in order. You know, the routine of cleaning and laundry and organizing and putting things away and planning meals and getting my home...
On hearing ‘I love you’ and ‘You’re my sweet little girl’
As I was leaving my parents house yesterday, I hugged my dad and said to him, “Love you, Daddy.” I have called him “Daddy” all of my life. It never became just "dad," but was always "Daddy" which seemed to be the German way. Then my dad says to me: “Love you, too....
Angels, my friend, Angels padded that sidewalk-Five Minute Friday
The last thing I remember was passing the Starbucks then the McDonalds with its bright neon lights lighting up the fast-food chain’s parking lot on the corner of Walling Street. We had also walked by the Bugatti’s Italian Restaurant, and later when I reflected back, I...
My house is not a museum, we live here
But, later she texted me and said: “Thank you so much for our coffee chat today! You are a bright light in my life, and I feel so blessed to have the gift of your wonderful friendship. Also, I hope you know I wasn’t saying your house was messy! I was trying to say that it inspires me to prioritize what is important…travel, family time, experiences, a home that is warm, inviting, cozy, etc.”
Visiting Martin Luther’s Wartburg sparks idea of a family spiritual pilgrimage
My first child and my only daughter was going to be in Germany for her 21st birthday as she was studying there, and so as I am not one to want to miss a party, I decided to fly to Europe to see celebrate with her. My 13-year-old at the time twins had never been on an...
My freshman son calling me out on my “Mom Pride”
All of my kids have run track in high school so far. It is what our family does in the spring. My oldest child, my only daughter, set the stage for our family being a track family. Indeed, Rachel was a varsity athlete from her freshman year on;...
Sometimes you get rewarded for doing the right thing
I was at an Adidas outlet store, where I ended up finding the same pair of Adidas shoes that I had recently ordered online, only they were 15 dollars cheaper at the outlet than I had paid online. The online ones had not arrived yet, so I decided to purchase the shoes...
I’m not getting married till I’m 30, if ever. . . but then she meets him
As a mom, you pray for your daughter in so many areas of her life. You pray for her heart that she loves the Lord all of her days and that she knows she is loved by God and her family and friends, and you pray she makes excellent friends and finds a place in...
I almost envy you, she said-Yep, best years of our lives
My neighbor Midori’s late husband Belton HJ Hamilton was the first African American to graduate from Stanford and the first African American assistant Attorney General in Oregon. I love visiting Midori. She’s the mother of two grown children whom she is so proud of....
We wait for one another
Right in the middle of the packing process, one of my twin sons said that his friend was stopping by for a quick visit and it was the only time Mick could see his friend the entire Christmas break and it was starting to get later and Mick’s friend was still not at our house.
Someone suggested that we take off and let Mick just stay home so he could see his friend.
But I insisted and said, “We wait for one another.”
And we did. It’s what we do.
Sometimes in our quest to be productive and to see a lot and do a lot and be on time, we can put to-do lists in front of what is actually important, and that is our relationships with people. It’s what people remember, how you treated them, if you made them feel valued. Yes, they are watching. Those little things matter. We wait for one another.
Help our Kids Believe that God Loves them
When a friend of singer-songwriter Rich Mullins asks if he will listen to a tape of a certain preacher while they are riding in Rich’s jeep, Rich is hesitant. His experience with traditional preachers has been less than favorable. His friend insists, saying to give it...
The Adventure of Motherhood and Life–It’s all about the Attitude
When I was growing up and would complain about having to do a chore or if I had a negative attitude about a school assignment, my mom used to say to me, “Kopf hoch,” which is German for “hold your head up high.” Basically the subtle message that I gleaned from my...
On the Accident and Angels and the Rest of my Life
When she walked through the door of our home, her eyes immediately welled up in tears, as she looked at me sprawled out on the couch. You should be dead. You should be dead. Your kids would’ve been orphans. They should’ve been planning your funeral. I cannot believe...
Having a Mary mindset in a Martha World
My daughter left today. You’d think I’d get used to it. I don’t. When my daughter visits from across the ocean, we stop the busy-to-do-lifestyle life.
We go to indie coffee shops and on long walks in the neighborhood and make sure we meet with friends and family.
Searching for “Heimat” to finally feel the soil where my roots were formed
When my mom was 11 years old, she and her parents were forced to leave their homes in Sudetenland after Germany lost the war in 1945. They had to leave with nothing but the clothes on their backs and what they could carry in a few small bags. They buried a few...
The Art of the Welcome – My Huffington Post Parents essay
Warm, mouth-watering, home-baked sugar cookies are piled high on a white-rimmed plate. Green tea in French, hand-painted teacups are on the dining room table; a hand-painted sugar bowl is nearby to sweeten the sipping. A lace antique tablecloth wraps the room in...
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